Sasuke Kills Gonzo
by Kaze and Kiba
Summary: "Look at that! His head looks like the back of a chicken's butt!" Waldorf and Statler have found a way to amuse themselves with the gullible young Uchiha. Seriously, if you haven't seen the Muppet Show, you won't get this crack fic. Language K R&R K


Sasuke Kills Gonzo

A/N-Pure crack. If you've never seen the Muppet Show leave now, this isn't for you and you won't get it. It's just some silly stuff my kids and I dreamed up.

If you remember The Muppet Show this fic stars Gonzo and his chickens, the two mean/funny old men in the balcony, Statler and Waldorf, Kermit the frog, Miss Piggy, Animal, and Sweets-the giant luvable monster- along with a few of your favorite Naruto characters. Why this pairing? Why not? No, my kids and I were actually talking about the Sasuke/Danzo battle and I said Gonzo instead of Danzo, so we started laughing and this story popped into my head.

K&K Disclaimer: No actual Muppets were killed in the making of this story and no, I did not suddenly acquire the rights to either Naruto or Jim Henson Productions.

0o0o0

As Kermit would say;

On with the show! Yeeeeaaaaaa!

0o0o0

0o0o0

Sasuke finally had his chance to kill that bastard Danzo.

He found the rundown hole where the two old foreigners, Statler and Waldorf, had laughingly told Sasuke he'd been hiding in. As he opened the doors to the old theatre he noticed numerous rats scurrying for cover. They seemed to be whispering.

He stepped into the center aisle.

"Danzo! Show your face you cowardly bastard!" he pulled his katana, Kusanagi, from its sheath and readied for the battle to come with the wily old root master.

0o0o0

Backstage:

"Gonzo!" Scooter yelled.

"Yeah, here I am," Gonzo came out of his dressing room surrounded by his harem of lady chickens.

"Hey you have a fan out in back of the theatre looking for you."

Gonzo did a double take, "Really?" he asked excitedly.

"Yeah, this guy even has hair that looks like, 'ahem', the _rest_ of your fans."

"You hear that girls?" Gonzo asked his chicken harem, "We've got fans in the audience.

Much interested clucking and cooing is heard from the chicken harem.

"Well," Scooter tried to interject, "it's really just one-"

"Let's give them a show they'll never forget!" Gonzo interrupted, "Then I'll give them my autograph personally." He put his hand on his chest, straightened his back, and nodded to the girls while they clucked and nodded happily.

Kermit walked backstage with Fozzy bear.

"Whatever you do, you'd better hurry," Kermit warned him, "Piggy's show starts in an hour and she will be upset if you take up any of her stage time."

"Ok, you got it, Kermit! Will you please introduce me?"

"Sure."

"Come on girls! To the cannon!" Gonzo and his flock hurried to prepare their act.

Kermit runs out to the stage.

0o0o0

"Hello Ladies and Gentleman. I'm Kermit the frog, host of your show tonight. As our first performance I'd like to introduce an act that's a real BANG. Put your hands together for GONZO! Yeeeaaaa!" Kermit runs off the stage waving his arms.

Sasuke scratched his head and crouched behind a seat halfway down the aisle. He hadn't quite understood the weird green guy on stage but he knew Danzo's name when he heard it.

'That bastard has some balls to announce his presence to me,' Sasuke thought, his eyes bled to scarlet.

"What the hell is that?" He wondered aloud as the red and gold velvet curtain rose, "A cannon?"

0o0o0

The back door to the theatre creeped open and the rest of rest of Sasuke's team snuck backstage to scope out the enemy.

A blonde haired pig in an evening gown rushed out shouting something about her hairdresser being late.

"Shut up pig!" Karen scowled at her.

"Look who's talking, ugly," the glamorous pig shot right back, raising her fist to the redhead.

Suigetsu laughed pointing at Karen, "Ha! Ha! She calls you ugly too."

A pink and orange monster dressed like a rock star popped up from behind the desk.

"Ugly! Ugly!" He grinned maniacally showing all his teeth.

Suigetsu gave Animal a high five, "You said it man!"

"Ya, ya," Animal breathed.

Juugo bumped into another monster that entered through the door.

"Oops! Hi, I'm Sweets! How ya doin?"

"Hi, I'm Juugo. Nice to meet you."

"Yeah, you too! Want to go get some ice cream?" Juugo nodded and they skipped off together happily while the war of words continued with the 'ladies'.

"Listen bitch, if you even look at my Kermie I'll kill you!" Miss Piggy warned.

"See Karin? It's not just me, nobody likes you." Suigetsu laughs.

Animal's body shook, "ahah-ahah!"

"Come on Animal lets go play." They grin ferally at each other and ran off.

"You're not going to leave me with this gross pig are you?" Karin whined

"THAT'S IT! Hi-ya!" Miss Piggy karate chops Karin and jumped on her, beating the shit out of her, "I'll show you who's gross, you unattractive, flat-chested bitch!" She punched Karin again.

Karin screamed, "Sasuke-kun tasukete!"

….?

0o0o0

Meanwhile Gonzo walks out on stage waving his hand as his chicken harem cluster around him. Sasuke watches the little blue man through narrowed eyes trying to figure out what jutsu he would do with that huge canon, he must be quite far away, seeing as he looked so small.

Gonzo jumped into the cannon yelling, "Ready or not here I come!"

The long boom roars from the cannon. Sasuke jumped out to defend against the attack, only to be hit head on by the flying Gonzo, soaring rather ungracefully through the air.

"Whoa! Good thing I wore a helmet," Gonzo said happily, sitting up on top of Sasuke's chest.

"Ugh," Sasuke groaned.

"Oh, sir, I'm sorry. Are you ok?"

"I'm going to kill you! Chidori!" A giant ball of electric energy hit Gonzo with it.

Up in the balcony the two old men could no longer hold their laughter.

"You think with hair like that, he'd be a big fan of Gonzo's." Statler snorted.

"Maybe he owes him money. Ahahaha!" Waldorf returned.

"Look at that! His head looks like the back of a chicken's butt!"

They laughed uproariously, "Wah hoho! Oh hoho!"

"Hey kid! Can't you afford a comb?" Statler zinged, "Did you stick your finger in a light socket?"

"Chidori!"

"I guess he did," Waldorf said straightfaced, "Ho hoho whoa hoho!"

"Aaagh!" Gonzo shot across the aisle and knocked out a few seats as he hit them. He got back up and his hair was smoking. He shook himself.

"WWWOWW!" Can you show me how to do that?" he yelled at Sasuke.

'Geez, he's indestructible,' Sasuke thought disbelievingly.

0o0o0

0o0o0

The chicken harem all fall madly in love and kiss up to Sasuke. They decided to leave gonzo for him because they like his hairstyle. Karin comes back whining after piggy beat her up and the chickens peck her to death for touching their Sasuke-sama. Seeing as how they defended him so well, Sasuke decides he likes these fangirl chicks and keeps them around.

Suigetsu came back leading Animal by his chain and asked if he can join their group. Animal gives him a demonstration him how wild he is and Sasuke sees some potential. Juugo asks if Sweets can join them too, since they are now best friends. Sasuke thinks it best not to anger the two huge monsters by denying their request, so Sweets runs to get his suitcase.

0o0o0

Finally…

Sasuke turns to the balcony, "You're next old men!" he gives them an evil red glare, "Are you part of the council?"

"Look!" Statler warned, "He's giving you the evil eye!"

"That's not the evil eye," Waldorf joked, "that's pink eye!"

"Ahaha!"

"Don't rub that kid, that stuff's contagious," Statler jested.

The two old men started laughing, "Oh hohohohoho!"

The tomoe in Sasuke's eyes began to spin.

Sasuke pulled the old men into a red Sharingan world.

"Hey, you got a different movie?" Waldorf asked, "I've already seen this one, the color sucks!"

"Yeah! I wanna see 'On Golden Pond'!" Statler requested, "That Jessica Lange is a real looker!"

"That's not Jessica Lange, that's Katherine Hepburn," Waldorf corrected.

Sasuke growled as the old men ignored him.

"Don't forget Jane Fonda," Statler came back, "she's in there too."

"Oh yeah, she's got some hot exercise videos!"

"Got any of those kid?"

"Enough!" Sasuke yelled, "what is it with you two?"

Kermit surprised Sasuke when he put a hand…er, a flipper on the young man's hand pulled Sasuke away from the old men in the balcony.

"Forget it son, you can't beat them, I've been trying for twenty years."

"That's right!" the old men laughed, "bring it on ninja-boy!"

"The frog hasn't won a battle yet!"

Miss Piggy comes over to find out why her show has been delayed.

"Hey! Who's this hunk a hot beef?" she flips her hair and rubs up against Sasuke.

Sasuke smirks at her.

Karen runs out of the theatre screaming.

0o0o0

Kermit bows and apologizes to Sasuke for the miscommunication and all the trouble caused by the old men's prank. Sasuke apologizes for the damage to the seats. Kermit waves it off saying stuff like that happens all the time.

From the rear balcony Gonzo declares he'll get his revenge on Sasuke for stealing his harem of chickens.

The end…..or is it?

Things you probably already know:

Tasukete-Save me.

AN-Ah, a story not for the faint of heart, ehehe. Hope you enjoyed it, take a minute and drop me a review if you did.

Thanks.

K&K


End file.
